The Church and Transgender People: A Hopefully Less-Biased Collection of Thoughts

7/19/2023

The topic of homosexual or transgender pastors or church members is often showing up in news feeds, and in social media. I feel like the political climate has fueled the drama around this topic. In our current society (2023 USA), there seems to be a lot of rhetoric against treating transgender people as their presented gender and against allowing transgender people from being allowed to hold publicly significant roles, such as pastors, teachers, actors, or beer can art.

When it comes to the church, the topic of “Are transgender people ok?” has an implicit question of “Is it immoral to be ‘living a transgender life’?” Where “living a transgender life” means “being a practicing transgender person”. (These terms are vague, so interpretations will vary.) Well, I am a born-again Christian. I am quite conservative morally. I am a very active church member. I have gone on mission trips, I have served in many church roles, and I have even preached from the pulpit a little. Yet, I am also a closeted crossdresser. I use the term “crossdresser” instead of “transgender” because I do not feel like I am a woman. I do love wearing women’s clothing, but I only ever present myself as a man. I feel like my identity in both of these groups (Christian and Crossdresser), and my lack of hatred for either of these groups gives me the ability to look at this topic with some knowledge and some less-irrational views.

First, Some Definitions

Conservative Christian – In the context of Christianity, I will often use the word “conservative” to mean: 1) Someone who believes that the Bible is correct and the ultimate authority. 2) Someone who is striving to surrender themselves to God (and let Him be their boss/lord). Ideally, a conservative Christian tries to be like Jesus Christ, and not like some political group that might label itself as “conservative”. There are notable distinctions.

Transgender – To feel like one’s self is not the gender that their biology and birth certificate appear to indicate. I have observed that people who describe themselves as transgender typically state that 100% of the time they are the opposite gender than their body, and that they have to pretend to be gender that matches their body in order to please society.

Drag Queen – An exaggeration of femininity, often associated with: 1) unusually large hair, 2) unusually bold makeup, 3) flashy/exotic/exposing clothing, 4) extreme footwear. (One might say that the male equivalent to a drag queen would be an exaggeration of masculinity, such as a pro wrestler.) Drag is normally more associated with performances than a lifestyle. Drag personas are normally put on by biological males, but not always.

Crossdresser – Often used as a synonym of transgender. Someone who wears the clothes of the opposite gender. This term does not imply that the person identifies or presents as the opposite gender. I find that biological men who use the term “crossdresser” to describe themselves are more likely to say they are a man, or that they are a man and woman at the same time.

Church – Officially, this is supposed to mean the people who serve God. However, we use this term to also mean a building where they meet, the act of meeting (“having church”), or the organization (“the Catholic Church/the Baptist Church”).

Sin – As a verb, the act of disobeying God. As a noun, it can mean either one specific way one could potentially disobey God (“murder is a sin”), or the collection of offenses one has actually committed (“your sins are forgiven”). To a conservative Christian, it would be considered a sin to disobey any rule (specific or general) found in the Bible.

What is truth?

I am an Engineer. I love the truth. To me, opinions are sort of garbage. Opinions get in the way. To me, politics is garbage because it is a quest for control through manipulation (not though the truth). In Engineering, the truth is essential for creating stuff, and for knowing if the stuff is working correctly.

Unfortunately, the truth is hard to acquire. It requires a significant amount of work to find the truth. In fact, almost no one ever goes to enough work to actually know anything. Some exceptions are people doing research on medicines, and people engineering spacecraft and aircraft that will carry humans. In those cases, millions of dollars are spent on measuring what is happening, and on determining if the measurements are measuring what we think they are measuring. I have rarely done enough work to actually know the truth.

The debate about the rightness/wrongness of transgenderism is packed with opinions. Additionally, it is not clear how to research such things. I would love to try to stick to the facts, yet, it is quite hard to know what the facts are. I probably will not present any solutions. Hopefully, though, this essay will reveal enough truth to help willing thinkers to have more perspective and understanding.

Statistics

One way to find the truth is through data collection. With much data, patterns can be found. Data can help reveal the truth. However, statistics can be used to mislead people. Short, simple, exciting/disturbing statistics from mixed sources should be considered either partial truth, or outright lies. Long, complicated, boring statistics from one research effort should be considered more likely to be true. Because, that is what the truth is like: long, complicated, and boring.

What percentage of the population is transgender? To answer this, you need a definition of “transgender”. Then, you need questions questions that can be accurately understood. Then, you need survey takers to be honest. The survey takers must be randomly selected in order to avoid over-representing or under-representing the transgender portion of the population. Different definitions of the word will result in different statistics. It is complicated.

If .5% of the population is transgender, then that means that one out of every two hundred people is transgender. There is some research suggesting that the number of transgender people is at least .5% of the population. The number might be higher, but I will focus on the minimum. .5% means that one out of every 200 people you know is transgender. You know transgender people. If you do not know they are transgender, then they must not feel safe enough to share that information with you. (Transgender folks are a private bunch. Therefore, you not knowing which of your friends are transgender might only be partially because of you.)

For some fun, anecdotal data, ask a nurse who has worked in the emergency room (ER) how many of the people coming into the ER are found to be wearing undergarments that do not match their birth gender. You will get different responses. I have heard a few reports that SIGNIFICANTLY exceed the .5% of the population statistic.

If we trust the .5% statistic, then I propose that at least one out of every 200 people in your church is transgender. I am persuaded that if a statistic is true about the general population then it is also true in subsets. I recognize that this is obviously not true when it comes to racial groups or money. Churches are rather segregated along racial and economic lines. However, I anticipate that for statistics about diseases, psychological traits, parenting styles, etc., that the church similar to the general population. I also anticipate that one out of every 200 pastors is transgender. The truth is: you do not know who around you is transgender until either they tell you or they get caught.

As a side note, the statistics for people identifying as homosexual is at least 3% of the population. One out of every 33 people you know is probably gay. I propose that statistic is also true for pastors/priests and church members.

I propose that it would be wrong to assume that transgender or homosexual people do not attend or lead your church simply because your church is opposed to such behaviors/lifestyles. To bolster this point, there are police reports that demonstrate how many predators have been caught working in churches. Nobody approves of predatorial behavior, yet that did not run them off. I accept that we may indeed run off some people by what we teach. However, that is not a guarantee that each person with a trait that a church teaches against will leave that church. I believe that people are not one-dimensional. An individual will have conflicting opinions, and their actions may not reflect some of their opinions. Furthermore, I propose that it is especially reasonable to assume that the young people in your church will match the statistics of the general population because they do not have the power to go elsewhere yet.

What Do We Do With These Statistics?

First off, I recommend that we always remember that everything we openly say in church or on social media is probably being heard by a group of people that does include LGBT people. We do not know how many of our acquaintances (including your family) that we are indirectly talking about when we express opinions about LGBT people. I have sat in church and listened to pastors say things about gay people or the gay agenda. Instead of sounding factual, a couple sounded disgusted or even hateful. I sat there and thought, “Oh well, I guess I can never tell him about this crossdressing thing I am struggling with.” It was kind of sad.

We should always talk as though you are talking to a homosexual or transgender person. Even our parents or our children might secretly be feeling things and/or doing things that are under the LGBT umbrella. If someone does not like LGBT people or agendas, I ask that they please try to avoid sounding like a jerk when they express their opinions. This does not mean that they must support and affirm. I mean that they should speak with kindness.

For example, because of what my brother has said, I know that I definitely would never want him to know about me. In fact I have a list of several people in my mind that I would never trust with this information. In contrast, when a co-worker in a different office came out as a transgender woman, a co-worker who sat near me tried to start using the new pronouns. He slipped up, used the old pronoun, and then apologized, admitting that he did not understand this stuff, and that it was hard. I would be MUCH more comfortable with this co-worker, who sits near me, knowing about my crossdressing than with my own brother knowing.

I believe that pastors/priests should expect that they are surrounded by several LGBT people in their congregations. I ask that the pastor/priest speak with intentionality to communicate that they will not attack or expose someone who needs to come talk to them. NOTE: I am expressing my bias that churches are supposed to be more like hospitals for those seeking help, and less like the Olympics where only the nearly-perfect qualify to participate.

Is Crossdressing A Sin?

In the Bible, it says in Deuteronomy 22:5, “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God.” That is rather straight forward. As far as I know, no other scripture is so explicitly clear on the topic. I have heard pro-LGBT people try to argue that that is a bad interpretation/translation of this verse. However, I have also lived my whole life hearing religious people trying to bend scripture to say whatever their personal opinion is. I am not easily persuaded to believe things simply because they benefit me. The words at face value sound like it is a sin to crossdress.

Crossdressing may very well be a sin. If it is a sin in God’s eyes, then it is a sin. Our opinion is irrelevant.

I will point out that Deuteronomy 22 also says that one should build a parapet around their roof of their house to protect people from falling. It also says you should not wear garments made of wool and linen woven together. Furthermore, it says that one should make tassels for the four corners of their cloak. Perhaps those are also rules we must obey to avoid sinning. Some argue that Christians are under a “new covenant” (new promise) and do not need to obey the ceremonial law. That results in people disregarding arbitrary rules from the Old Testament law. I do not know with certainty how to distinguish which rules fall into the set of ceremonial laws versus the set moral laws.

When it comes to homosexuality, the Bible gives several declarations that sound like it is a sin. Some declarations are vague about what specifically is the sinful behavior. As far as I know, the clearest expression against homosexuality is in Leviticus 20:13, where it says that it is an abomination for a man to lie with a man as he would lie with a woman. I interpret that to mean that it is a sin to engage in homosexual sexual activity. It is not clear to me, when I look at scripture, whether it is a sin for a person to feel same sex attraction. As far as I know, it is not explicitly forbidden in the scripture for someone to hold hands, hug, kiss, live with, or possibly even marry a same-sex person. As far as I know, it is only explicitly forbidden to engage in homosexual sexual activity. Perhaps, it is not a sin to be a celibate homosexual person. However, whatever is a sin in God’s eyes, is a sin. He is the judge. It is only His opinion that matters.

What we must do is bow before God and seek His guidance on what we are to do. I assure you that you can find people, including church leaders, who will give you differing opinions on these topics. Only God’s guidance is relevant, because we answer to Him alone. He is Lord.

Hypothetical Thoughts

So, consider two scenarios: Either it is a sin to crossdress, or it is not a sin to crossdress. Just as a thought experiment, consider both scenarios. (Feel free to replace “crossdress” with anything under the LGBT umbrella for this thought experiment.)

If crossdressing IS NOT a sin, then many conservative Christians have been real jerks to the crossdressing community.

If crossdressing IS a sin, then many conservative Christians have been real jerks to the crossdressing community.

We in the church have not been called to judge, accuse, and condemn our neighbor. Yet, those are things we have done many times. We are commanded specifically that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. That is something that we have not always done. Please try to avoid being a jerk.

Does It Matter If A Pastor or a Deacon, etc. is Transgender?

The reason why it is a big deal in conservative churches if a church leader is transgender or homosexual is: we do not want our leaders to be sinful. However, the Bible teaches that everyone is a sinner. We cannot have a sinless church leader. They do not exist. In spite of that, conservative churches want someone to lead them who is striving to live righteously. Conservative Christians do not want to have a leader who is “given over” to a specific sin. In not-so-churchy terms, we conservatives do not want our leaders to be living a sinful lifestyle. This is a good thing to want.

The definition of what is a “sinful lifestyle” differs in different churches. Most churches would remove a pastor who commits one act of adultery or murder. A conservative church would probably forbid a leader from practicing idol worship. In fact all of the sins listed in the Ten Commandments would seemingly be a good guide for pastor selection. (However, it is hard to measure coveting, or the dishonoring of parents.) I have observed several pastors who appeared to have used the Lord’s name in vain without being fired. (One of the Ten Commandments forbids doing that.) Some churches would say their pastor must absolutely drink no alcohol. Some churches would refuse a pastor who listens to non-sacred music. Some very socially conservative churches might require a pastor to always wear a tie and for his wife to wear a dress or skirt.

In recent years, it has become more acceptable for men in the church to admit (for the purpose of finding help and stopping this behavior) that they struggle with looking at pornography and lusting. Perhaps if a pastor confessed to having similar struggles, they might not be removed from such churches. However, I would assume that most pastors would feel very uncomfortable confessing if they are currently struggling with (giving in to) such temptations. Again, I propose that the percentage of pastors struggling with these temptations and behaviors is similar to the percentage of devout male members of the church who likewise struggle.

The topic at hand is that many conservative churches would consider a crossdressing pastor (regardless of whether the pastor identifies as the opposite gender) as being given over to (or living) a sinful lifestyle. A conservative church might choose to fire such a pastor, or not to hire such a pastor.

So, does it matter if your pastor is transgender or a crossdresser? I feel like the answer is supposed to be yes. You presumably need your spiritual leader to be righteous and in a healthy relationship with God in order for them to be able to lead you to be righteous and in a healthy relationship with God. If crossdressing is a sin, then it would be impacting their righteousness and interfering with their relationship with God.

However, if a pastor is secretly a crossdresser and his congregation does not know it, and they express thankfulness for the pastor and feel like they are being well led to become righteous and in healthy relationships with God, and then this secret is found out, then what? Is this one thing somehow disqualifying when the other sins that a pastor may commit are not? It is easy to just say, “Well, he couldn’t have been leading them to be righteous and in a healthy relationship with God if he is THAT way.” If nothing changed other than our awareness of a long-running truth, why should we suddenly despise the person?

Ultimately, it comes down to this: Is this one sin greater than the others? Is he “given over to” this sin but not the others? I feel like instead it comes down to personal prejudice. “I don’t mind this, so I won’t condemn.” “I hate that, so I will condemn.” We will pick which imperfections we will attack vs. which ones we will overlook.

I have not given a very decisive answer. “You without sin, cast the first stone.” Jesus said that to religious conservatives who wanted to stone an adulterous woman to death. Instead of committing blasphemy by throwing a rock at her, they walked away. Then Jesus said, “Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” He did not hate her for her sin. He did not say she was not sinful. He loved this troubled woman and put the next steps into her hands. Maybe that is the right thing to do. “Pastor, we feel like this is a sin. We love you. Can we help you stop sinning?”

Pragmatics and Pastors

Imagine that a pastor/priest either gets caught in or confesses to some action or behavior. How will his church respond? In some situations, a church would immediately terminate his employment based on a set of rules they have documented. In other situations, they might try to determine if this was an infraction versus a lifestyle, and terminate his employment if it is a lifestyle. In other situations, they might allow him to remain on staff (with a portion of the population of the church feeling uncomfortable about it.) Of course people will leave the church if they do not agree with the decision that was made on either side of these decisions.

I believe that the risks associated with confessing their struggles persuades pastors to hide the truth. I hear that being a pastor is a lonely job. I wish that were not the case.

Pragmatically, your pastor has struggles. Probably, he will not want to talk to you about it. I believe that church members should speak/act with intentionality to communicate to their pastor that they will not attack or expose him if needs to come talk to them. I propose that every member should try to be a safe place for their pastor. If something is said to you in confidence, then it should never be repeated (with the normal exceptions for when people are in danger (suicide, murder, exploitation)).

Pragmatics and Non-Pastors

If you become aware that someone who is not a pastor is a transgender person or a crossdresser, you will still react. I will make a distinction here. If they are a church leader, I will lump them in with the pastors. That way, this section can be about non-church leaders. If your co-worker or friend comes out to you, or you find out their secret. What do you do?

I propose that one should speak and act with intentionality the same way they spoke and acted before they knew. The person did not change. Only other people’s awareness changed.

If someone you know wants to be known by different pronouns and/or a different name than before, what should you do? Some conservatively minded persons may feel like they are lying to cooperate with such changes. We do not oppose it when a “Mr.” or “Mrs.” becomes a “Dr.” We do not oppose when a woman changes her name after marriage. I believe it that we do not oppose these because they are culturally acceptable things. Pronoun, name, and gender changes are new to our current culture. What do we do? Ultimately, it comes down to love. You are not going to fix anything. God can change things. You can point people to God. You can make people hate your God. You can help people love your God. The difference in those two is the love you express.

Conservative Christians normally feel like it is wrong to celebrate sin. That motivates us to not want to be too encouraging or positive in some situations. It results in us not treating people with respect. Respecting someone regardless of their race, gender, wealth, education, disease, nationality, or sin condition is loving your neighbor. It is also consistent with Jesus’ behavior. It is grace.

It is OK to say the following things:

• I am not used to this. I do not know how to behave.
• How do you identify?
• What do you want me to call you?
• I may accidentally say things that are insensitive. Please point those out to me, and please be patient.
• You look nice today.
• Yes ma’am. Yes sir.
• I am sorry, I used the wrong pronoun.
• Tell me your story.
• (Nothing, just listen)

Is There an Agenda?

Sometimes.

There are lots of organizations, and most of them have goals. They have strategies to meet those goals. Some of these organizations are religious, some political, some social. Some organizations are profitable companies, others are charities (meaning that they take donations). Out of all of these organizations, some have goals to promote LGBT stuff, and some others have goals to oppose LGBT stuff. Each of these separate organizations have an agenda. I suppose that some organizations collaborate, and some mimic other organizations’ practices. I doubt there is one grand conspiracy with pro-LGBT or with anti-LGBT goals.

Sometimes, however, there are individuals who speak their minds, or live their lives. They are unaligned with well-known “sides” of a debate. Surely they are somewhat influenced by the expressions of others, including these organizations. However, these individuals are not intentionally part of any organized agenda. I hope that I fall into this group.

I have heard conservative Christians say that the “LGBT agenda is being crammed down our throats.” There is probably truth there to be heard. I also realize that the church has done a lot of our own cramming over the years. I can think of a couple political parties in the United States that have been doing a good bit of cramming. I believe that most people hate having opinions forced upon them.

Discourse is better than propaganda.

Conclusion

Go love people, even when it is hard.

I believe that God knows everything. I believe that He knew every sin you were going to commit before He even created the world. Yet, He still made you. He still loves you. I believe that He lived on this Earth as a man named Jesus. Even though you are a sinner, Jesus still died on the cross for you — in order to be punished for your sins instead of you. You are worth that much to God! God is still seeking for you to come to Him and let Him be your leader. Take a step toward Him and talk to Him. 🙂