Marriage

Once I was married, I hoped that I would start having a sexual relationship with my wife and that I would lose interest in self-gratification.  I hoped that would result in me losing interest in crossdressing, and quitting would be easy.  In theory, this seems right…  but in reality, it is not.  I did not want to bring either crossdressing or the other into my marriage.  By the time we were married, I was occasionally crossdressing again.  Several months in, I was rather compelled to relieve myself.  I was wearing some pantyhose at the time.  I cried bitterly afterward.  I had failed.  How is it that I intellectually wish for something so badly, yet I cannot achieve it?  I am my only resistance!

My wife knew about my crossdressing.  She did not like it, but she did not forbid it.  In the first month of our marriage, I remember lying on my stomach on the bed reading something while she was doing her thing in the same room.  I was wearing black pantyhose and shorts.  Near that point in time, she suggested that I wear pantyhose 7 days a week so that I would grow to hate them the way she did.  I loved the whole week!  She did not understand how her project failed.  Several months later, I dressed up in an entire outfit of hers and went out to check the mailbox.  I was in a long skirt and blouse.  She was watching at the window and laughing.  That time, she had fun with it.

I think back on these memories and realize that she used to be more comfortable with my crossdressing than she is now.  Or, maybe, I used to be more comfortable with it…

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